I was flipping through one of my credit counseling reference books the other day and I found something I'd thought I'd lost... The malaprop list.
When I started out as a counselor, I sat next to a woman who was a veritable goldmine of these things (btw she is actually a native English speaker). Eventually I started scribbling them down because they were just too hilarious. Many were lost, due to neglecting to document them and the fact that I have a sieve for a brain, but a few have been preserved.
Not all of these are from that particular coworker (nicknamed Miss Malaprop, of course), some are from clients and other coworkers. I don't know what it is about the credit counseling industry that brings this out in people, but it certainly makes my job a lot more amusing.
Without further ado:
I don't want to shoot myself to spite my foot.
Sometimes you have to take a step backwards to move ten folds forward.
This lady has a habit of talking out of both sides of her teeth.
We can help you at the drop of a dime.
My husband's in Iraq and it's really dangerous in his area because there's a lot of squirmishes.
That's what they get paid for and they're the one's who have to wake up with themselves in the morning. (Said about debt collectors)
They don't know themselves from Adam.
I feel like a duck out of water.
I finally feel like there's light at the end of the rainbow.
My body was mentally tired, my brain was mentally tired.
He was so engorged in his conversation that he didn't even notice me.
Oh I totally love sushi, but I can understand why you might not. You have to require the taste.
Can I subsidize the mashed potatoes for pasta? (restaurant malaprop)
As a credit counselor, I have to play many hats.
It's not exactly rocket surgery.
I dilapidated my savings account.
She's a gossip mongrel.
I'm trying to be negotiable with you here.
I had major surgery in May and am still cooperating.
One hand says one thing and the other hand says another!
The client is 3 months in the rears on his mortgage. (mortgage delinquency crisis FTW!)
And probably the crowning achievement.... As we were finishing up our morning break, Miss Malaprop put out her cigarette, and said, without even a trace of irony:
"Well ladies, it's back to the old Bump N Grind!"
(this entry imported from ye olde bloge)
